


Separate Lives

by DeansDirtyLittleSecret



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Miscarriage, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:12:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeansDirtyLittleSecret/pseuds/DeansDirtyLittleSecret
Summary: Dean and the reader have a tumultuous relationship.





	Separate Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Separate Lives" by Phil Collins.

 

You shouldn’t have called Dean. But nostalgia took over, the need to see him, to talk to him nearly overwhelming you. You could almost say it wasn’t your fault, it was that guy in the bar, that guy who’d tried to romance you.

It had reminded you of the first time you’d met Dean, in that hunter bar in Ohio, and he’d romanced you right upstairs to his room. What you’d thought would be nothing more than a one night stand had turned into a more on than off relationship with the green-eyed hunter.

* * *

_ “Dean?” _

_ “Y/N?” You didn’t miss the surprise in his voice. “Are you okay?” _

_ “I’m good,” you murmured. “I just...I wanted to say I’m sorry. Sorry for leaving. And I, well, I miss you.” _

_ “You miss me?” he asked. _

_ “Sometimes,” you sighed. “When I’m alone, in my hotel room.” You pushed a hand through your hair and cleared your throat. “Do you feel lonely, too?” _

_ “Yeah,” Dean replied. “Whenever I think about you.” _

_ “Dean -” _

_ “Where are you, Y/N?” _

_ You told him without hesitation, not expecting him to say what he said next. _

_ “I’ll be there in an hour.” _

* * *

It had been too long, too many hours, too much pain, too many things coming between them. He wasn’t going to let anything come between them, not when he had her back in his arms.

Dean pulled her against him, the need to touch her, to kiss her, too much to resist. His fingers slid into her hair, twisting around the strands, and pulled her head back, exposing her throat. He ran his tongue down her neck until he reached the space where it met her shoulder. He kissed her, sucking and nibbling lightly across her collarbone. He ran his hand up her bare leg until he reached the bottom edge of her pajama shorts, stopping short of sliding his fingers under them.

He released her, holding her at arms length so he could look in her eyes. “I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to do,” he said quietly.

“I’m not,” she replied breathlessly. “I want this. I want you.”

Dean pushed her to her back on the bed and stretched out next to her, his lips drawn to hers like metal to a magnet. He moved gently, slowly, almost tentatively; it had been so long since he had touched her, since he’d made love to her, there was no way he wasn’t going to take his time and make it last. His lips moved to her ear, catching the lobe between his lips and sucking gently. He slid a hand just under the edge of her shirt, tracing small circles on her stomach with his thumb as he gripped her hip. He continued his assault on her earlobe, making her squirm.

He pushed Y/N’s shirt up and moved his attentions to her stomach, kissing a line along the top edge of her shorts. He ran his tongue up to her belly button, lightly dipping it in and swirling it around before he pushed her shirt up with one hand and let his mouth taste the skin between her belly button and her ribs. He made his way slowly to her breasts, pulling the nipple of one into his mouth, gently suckling the tender flesh while he took the other in his hand, paying it equal attention. Y/N sighed and wrapped her hands around his head, pulling him against her.

Dean worked his way to her lips, capturing her lower lip between his teeth and sucking it greedily into his mouth. God, she tasted like heaven. He pulled her tank top over her head, then quickly brought his lips back to hers. He gently caressed her soft skin, thrilled at the feel of her body under his after so long apart.

Y/N tugged his shirt up and over his head, then she pressed herself against him, sliding one leg over his hip. He moaned as she pushed herself against the erection straining beneath his jeans, his hips involuntarily surging forward. He slipped his hand past the waistband of her shorts, his fingertips brushing her warm center. Her breath quickened and her kisses became more urgent. He traced a finger through the lips of her pussy, his thumb pressed against the sensitive nub of her clit. She fumbled with the button on his jeans, finally releasing it and sliding the zipper down, the tips of her fingers grazing him.

“Dean,” she mumbled, her words swallowed by his kisses.

“Hmm?” he responded, his mouth and hands continuing their exploration of her body.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she replied, her words rushed and breathless.

Dean swore under his breath, stood up, and stripped off his clothes while Y/N removed the rest of hers. He returned to the bed, immediately returning to is previous endeavors. He brushed a kiss along the edge of her jaw, the salty tang of tears assaulting his tongue. He pulled away and looked into her eyes, tears leaking from the corners.

“What’s wrong?” he murmured.

She shrugged and ran her fingers through his hair. “I can’t believe you’re here with me,” she answered. “I was sure you hated me.”

“I could never hate you,” he whispered. “Why would you think that?” He rested his forehead against hers, his warm breath blowing over her face.

“A lot of reasons. Christ, look at all of the things I’ve managed to fuck up over the last year. It would be totally understandable if you hated me,” she said, burying her face against his shoulder.

Dean sighed, not quite sure what to say. Of all the emotions he’d felt over the previous year, hatred was the one he reserved for those responsible for what happened; he had never hated Y/N. He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Words eluded him, as they often did during the times he needed them most. So instead of speaking, he took her chin between his fingers, bringing her lips to his mouth so he could _s_ _ how _  her how he felt. He slid his hands down her bare back, cupping her ass and pulling her against him. He could feel every inch of her naked skin against his, her breasts against his chest, the heat at her center drawing him in. He rolled her to her back and settled himself between her thighs. Moving slowly and carefully, knowing how long it had been since they’d been together, Dean entered her. She opened herself to him, legs wide, urging him forward with a hand on his back. She moaned, the sound like a soft purr in his ear.

He balanced himself above her on his forearms and thrust his hips forward, his eyes on her face. She was biting her lower lip and her eyes were half-lidded and filled with lust. He moved with practiced ease, taking his cues from the movement of her body beneath his. He slid an arm under her, his hand gripping her neck as he pumped his hips, burying himself in her welcoming warmth. She stretched up and kissed him, coaxing his mouth open with her tongue, its thrusts matching the rhythm their bodies had fallen into so easily. It was as if they had never been apart, they instinctively knew how to move and exactly what to do to inflame each other’s desires and needs.

Dean had no idea how long they made love, it felt like hours, yet it also seemed to be over far too soon. Satisfied, they finally collapsed in each other’s arms, their bodies close in the confines of the small hotel room bed. He kept her tucked against his side; he couldn’t stand the thought of her being too far away from him. His hands constantly moved over her body as he rained tender kisses over her face, neck, and shoulders. He refused to let himself sleep; he didn’t want to miss a second of his time with her, instead he buried his face in her hair and let her scent fill his nose.

* * *

You were half asleep, eyes heavy, warm in the circle of Dean’s arms. Comfortable. Too comfortable.

“How do you feel?” Dean whispered in your ear.

The memories flooded your brain, dragging you back to the worst day of your life. The thought made your back stiffen and your heart began to pound. That had been the first thing he’d said to you when you woke up in the hospital, the first words you’d heard from him. The next words he’d said had broken your heart into a million pieces.

“You don’t have any right to ask me how I feel,” you muttered. “You don’t have to be so kind.”

“What are you talking about?” Dean asked, pushing himself up on one elbow to look down at you.

Nothing had changed. Dean was still trying to make it work, still holding onto the hope that you could be together. And as much as you loved him, that could never happen. Seeing him was too painful, brought back too many memories, reminded you of what you’d lost. You couldn’t do it, not again. 

“We can’t just keep holding on to each other,” you lied, throwing the covers back and pushing yourself out of the bed. “Not when we’re living separate lives.”

Dean sat up, the sheet pooling in his lap. “What the hell are you talking about, Y/N? We’re only living separate lives because you refuse to be with me. But every time you call me, I come running. I keep holding on, only to have to let you go again. You try to say you don’t love me, but if you’ve really lost your love for me, you sure don’t show it.”

“I thought I could compromise -”

“There’s no way to compromise,” Dean interrupted. “That’s why we’re living separate lives. I love you. But you refuse to love me.”

“Dean, you know I love you.” The tears were flowing again, sliding down your cheeks, choking you. “But, I can’t be  _ with _  you. It’s too painful, too hard.”

“So you’re going to build a wall around yourself, cut me off?” he snapped. “You know I lost something, too. You know that my world was destroyed, just like yours, right? And then, on top of all of it, I lost you, too.”

“That’s not fair, Dean,” you cried.

“None of this is fair, Y/N, none of it!” he yelled. “We were in love, we were going to be a family. I was going to be a father, the woman I love was going to have my baby. But thanks to this goddamn life we live, it was all taken away from us.”

You opened your mouth to scream at him, to shout your frustrations, to tell him that you knew it was your fault, that if you hadn’t gone into that empty house, the demons never would have snatched you, they never would have bled you almost dry, they never would have left you for dead. And you never would have lost the baby.

Before you could utter a word, Dean was out of the bed and crossing the room, pulling you into his arms, his mouth on yours, mumbling over and over that he loved you, that none of it mattered, it wasn’t your fault, none of it was your fault.

You put your hands on his chest and tried to push him away, shaking your head. “You can’t love me, I don’t deserve it.  _ We accept the love we think we deserve _ and I know that I don’t deserve your love. I’m not worthy of it.” You wrenched yourself free of his grip, stumbling backwards as you struggled to get away from him. “This was a mistake. I never should have called you. Will you just go, Dean? Please just go.” You backed through the bathroom door and slammed it in his face.

You sat on the edge of the bathtub, biting back the sobs trying to tear their way out of your throat. You could hear Dean outside the door, hear his fist hitting it, hear his mumbled cursing, hear him begging you to please come out. You ignored him. After a couple of minutes you heard him shuffling around the room, most likely gathering his things. The knock on the door made you jump.

“I’m gonna go, Y/N,” Dean said, his voice deep, broken. “Someday, you’re gonna have to look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me. When you’re ready, you know where to find me.”

You waited until you heard the hotel room door close before you stepped out of the bathroom. You stood in front of the door, your head resting on the cool wood.

“I love you, Dean,” you whispered.

 


End file.
